[Communication Challenge] Day 5: Be Comfortable
Welcome to Day 5! Congratulations, you’re halfway through the 10-Day Communication Challenge, and halfway towards finding your own inner communication ninja. Just you wait until we hit Day 10, when I load you up with the action step and secret weapon that’s going to put little goose pimples on your arms and make you feel SO alive.
You know, it really is true that you are as alive as you are willing to communicate, and I wish I could march on over to your house and hold your hand to do every single one of these exercises as part of the program. But since I can’t, I just need to count on you and your courage to get us through. I think you’re SO brave for being here. Especially since I really believe it does take the light and spark and fire to TWO brave people to help pull one person out of the mud!!
I know so far, we’ve really been focused a lot on getting you more present in the moment, removing distractions that prevent your from staying really present, and that should be paying off, if you’ve been doing the exercises. Now we’re going to take it up a notch. You should be feeling a little more courageous, a little more ready to face your tigers, so this lesson has got just what you need to take it to the next level!
“You will find peace not by trying to escape your problems,
but by confronting them courageously.”
-J Donald Walters
What You Don’t Face Will Follow You Like a Ball and Chain
One of the biggest things interfering with our ability to communicate is the hamster wheel that gets going inside our own heads and keeps us from ACTING when we know there’s something we want to do, say or face.
No stack of bills ever got paid when they were ignored. No leaky faucet ever got fixed when it was put off. And no problem ever got solved when it was shoved under a rug, stuffed deep into your heart, or hidden in the secret parts of your heart.
In order to solve anything in life, any problem, situation or person, you have to be able to look your tigers in the eye–you have to be able to be there, when it’s hard and uncomfortable in order for anything to get comfortable. This is true for anything you study, any skill you want to get really good at, any business you want to build, any relationship you want to last and for life in general.
You have to show up and look life in the eyes if you want things to go right!
A sure fire way to have your problems blow up in your face is to continually avoid handling them. The more we avoid, the more we are weighed down by guilt or overwhelm. Stuffing things, hiding things, avoiding things, denying things doesn’t help anything. In fact, the more you fear and avoid things, the more likely they will be to kick you in the teeth!
The more you confront and face your life head on, the lighter you feel, the more confidence you’ll have, and the more enthusiasm you can possess!
How I Used This Exercise As a Parent
In the podcast accompanying this blog post, I gave you examples of what you could do with different situations or people in your life. But I also want to give you the possibility of trying it with someone you don’t know, if you have the chance! You don’t necessarily HAVE to have the other person looking at you, but when it comes to family members or children in a home, this tool has been SO helpful for me to resolve conflicts.
Many times with my kids when they were young, and even up until a couple years ago, when they were having arguments that wouldn’t solve easily and it just sounded like both sides were trying to be right, and I knew both sides had “done things” to cause a problem, I just plunked both kids in a chair facing each other and told them to just be quiet, sit still and look one another in the eyes.
Invariably the bigger trouble maker would have the hardest time looking the other person in the eyes. It was always easy to spot who had more to hide by who would have the hardest time sitting still!! But I wouldn’t say that to them, I would just watch, and encourage them to keep looking at each other, and keep still, etc.
Ten times out of ten, someone would start smiling at the other and they would have immediately resolves their differences. No complicated arguments or long discussions were necessary. Just looking one another in the eyes and facing each other seemed to dissolve the confusions and frustrations between them!
Check Out the Power of Confronting!
Watch this fantastic example of what just sitting there confronting a person can do–even to relationships of people who have been married for YEARS!! It will totally inspire you to want to do this exercise!
When you’re done, report back and let us know how you feel by sharing your comments below on the blog, or in the podcast accompanying this lesson! This exercise is actually HUGELY beneficial for improving your skills and abilities in the exercises that come. If you can’t do this one and make some time to practice it, then the other exercises might be much, much harder for you to complete.
Maybe even impossible.
If you’ve just been reading along and listening to the podcasts, but haven’t been getting out there to do the exercises, ask someone you love or a friend to sign up and do them with you. Don’t underestimate how the pressures of life and the need to look right can weigh a girl down! Find a funky, high-energy friend to haul you by the scruff of your neck and do these exercises with you if you need a little support.
You’re brave for being here and I’m so grateful that of all the places you could put your time and attention, you’re still here sharing them with me! THANK YOU! I hope you find this lesson helpful, and that you use it to make your life a little lighter and brighter and better!
Love and hugs,
Tera