What I Said to My Wallowing Friend When She Came Looking For Attention

What I Said to My Wallowing Friend When She Came Looking For Attention

by Tera Warner

I have a pretty amazing life. Incredibly courageous women from around the world, rock up to my electronic office with their heart on their sleeves looking for a little support, a nudge in the right direction and some guidance. They don’t come to me for my string of qualifications or framed certificates on the wall. They come to me, I believe, because they know I’m going to serve it to them straight up, no sympathy on the side. They come to me because they want the truth, and they know I’m not afraid to say it. 😉

Change isn’t comfortable, but it’s a lot more comfortable than watching life seep out of you slowly while you sit in a daze gazing at other people who live their lives through their Facebook status!! In the face of a constant barrage of incoming media messages (some 3000 a day), the only way any woman is going to rise up to a life that inspires her and feels worth living, if is she learns how to bite back at Life sometimes.

You need to boldly communicate what you want, what you believe in and yearn for–in spite of the fear of rejection, criticism or condemnation. You need to say “no” to what you don’t want too, sometimes! To the degree that you release your need to be liked, and adopt a commitment to simply stay true to you, life feels a lot more enjoyable. The reward for your efforts will never be measured in terms of how many people “Like” you on Facebook, or the popularity of your ideas. It’s when on the inside you love yourself a little more, you trust yourself a little more that you’re more likely to do the things that honestly uplift and support you (instead of engaging in self-sabotaging behaviour and relationships!).

In our Virtual Lifestyle Design retreat right now, we currently have an amazing group of women going through some pretty inspiring personal transformations. Yesterday one of them sent me a personal email confessing to the fact that she felt sorry for herself. She was “wallowing” after having posted some ideas about her purpose and felt concerned she wasn’t getting the reactions, accolades or attention she felt would validate her ideas.

Here’s what I wrote to her: 

“Well, my beautiful wallowing friend, what feels better…

wallowing, yearning for someone else’s approval, or kicking butt and loving your life and your purpose?

You need to take your rewards in sensation. The feelings you have when you regain certainty… the confidence restored when you believe in yourself a little more… the sense of expansion you feel when you start to take up more space… The flow of particles moving toward a new direction, but at least it’s direction and at least it’s moving forward!! 

If you look for your payback in other people’s energy or other people’s glances and gushing admiration, you’ll never really feel fulfilled. Those good feelings won’t last very long. Then what happens when they’re busy, distracted with their own lives, disinterested in you because the football game is on? Then what? Your life isn’t as cool and exciting because they’re not looking??

I know it feels good, and it’s ok to enjoy attention and admiration, but don’t NEED it. Make it like wine and potato chips! When it’s there, soak it up and enjoy it. But overeat on that stuff, and you’ll feel like crap. Crave it, become needy for it and you’re in for at least an extra 2 sizes in pants!!

It’s because YOU feel a little bit more electricity inside yourself again that you have proof you’re on the right track!! Not what other people think, or say, or how they “affirm” your choices. It’s too easy for me to line up rows of people who will villainize you and rows of people who will admire and adore you, and none of it is worth a warm fart in a Chinook wind, Sister!!  I wouldn’t care if the whole entire population of planet Earth thought you were bat s&$% crazy. As long as you believe in yourself, you’re still in the game. 

The payback on making your life better is that YOU enjoy it more!

And that is enough. That is a truckload, actually. That’s really the coolest thing you could ever ask for. That’s confirmation that you ARE alive and kicking! So put your your frickin’ boots back on and stay in the game.

or… you can wallow.

But then you should wear oversized slippers with excess fuzz and geriatric daisy print on them, or something. Because that’s about how much fun those emotions are, in terms of pay off for all the hard work you’re doing!! Wallowing has a certain amount of low grade sticky sensation you can hang out in for a while. Generally, I’ve found it to be overrated and sorely lacking in electrical firecracker qualities I’ve come to yearn for in my own life.

I still love you!!! Wallowing or no wallowing! 

Tera”

In case you may have been having a geriatric slipper moment, I thought you might find this helpful. 😉

Love,

Tera