Why I don’t support the “Superwoman” movement.
by Tera Warner
Put the Cape Down, Supermom!
While burning a few candles recently, I was working through some of the assignments of our Virtual Lifestyle Design Retreat participants when I had a spontaneous soapbox moment and spilled it out all over Facebook.
There’s been quite a big response to my article, so I’m posting it below so you can read it, too.
Why I Don’t Support the Superwoman Movement
I do not support the over glorification of a woman’s ability to multitask and “do it all.”
I see so many women carry the torch of “I’ll just do it myself” and their stubborn insistence to be right instead of vulnerable ends them up into a pickle of resentment that is very hard to escape.
I think “superwoman” is when a woman doesn’t know how to express her needs, wants and desires enough to ask for them. That, and she lacks the skill, persistence and tools to inspire, engage, and empower the people around her to positively contribute to the goals and aims of the team.
By trying to “do it all herself” she will disempower others who would benefit from having been able to contribute meaningfully to her.
If the need to be “superhuman” comes at the cost of our own health, the intimacy of our marriages, or the self-confidence of the men and children we work to nurture and support, then resentment and exhaustion move in where strength and support could be instead.
There is little nobility in chronic “self-sacrifice” when one is surrounded by able-bodied people who can support. You do no favours to let someone else “get away with” not doing their fair share.
Far too many marriages, friendships, businesses and relationships have been lost simply because of a failure to communicate, follow up, persist, insist and get what’s needed and wanted done.
Everyone benefits from meaningful contribution to the team.
When the need to be “right” wins out over the courage to communicate with vulnerability or the willingness to persist with kindness, then in the silence of things left unsaid, a lot of beautiful partnerships fall apart.
Communicate.
Express yourself.
Ask with kindness.
Persist.
If you don’t get it, ask again. (That’s what “persist” means.)
Never lose your willingness to express your needs, wants and desires. Doing so is actually more important than achieving the desire itself.
Don’t believe me? Try this week and let’s see what happens.
Effective Communication Takes Work and Persistence
As a single mom for 12 years, I understand that sometimes we have to just “buck up” and get the job down done on our own and that not everyone will heed the call to contribution. But it shouldn’t be our primary way of operating long term if and when there are other able-bodied people around us!
Everyone benefits from meaningful contribution and a sense of accomplishment. When we’re able to encourage and foster the contributions of others, there’s no reason to perpetuate long term “Superwoman Syndrome.”
As long as I keep my children busy, productive, engaged and contributing to the home, they are confident, cooperative and honest. If I let them “get away with” a lack of fair contribution, the whole ship begins to fall apart!
Some days I do have to ask Sebastian 5 times to take out the trash! But any day I “just do it myself” he feels a little smaller inside, and starts to misbehave a little more than when he does his contributions and feels good about himself!
Let other people wear the cape some days, too, by telling them with kindness what you really need, want and would appreciate.
When you do it well, you might be surprised how willing and interested they are in your feeling satisfied, rested, happy and fulfilled!
Worse case scenario, you end up doing it yourself anyway, but at least you won’t have all the resentment. The biggest reason you get your knickers in a knot has to do with your lack of communication more than their laziness.
Their laziness is their problem and is a big part of the cause of their unhappiness, lack of confidence and productivity in life. If your knickers are in a knot, then it’s likely got something to do with you. 😉
Love and lots of capes for other people to wear, too!
p.s.
Jaw-dropper!! Mika and I just released a brand new video where she shares what happend for her on our 21-Day Authentic Beauty Experience! I couldn’t stop dropping my jaw when she said these things!! I had NO idea this was coming and you’ll see it by my reaction when you check out the video below!!
p.p.s.
For those of you who are interested, I’ll post a link on Facebook to a Google Doc I use for my kids. It’s the job list of their contributions in the house. I’ll explain how we use it as a tool for earning rewards and freedoms and how easy it is to keep them on track with this one, simple chart! 😉
The Word’s Most Authentic Beauty Experience
