When Loving Yourself Unconditionally Isn’t Working, Get Radical!
~ by Rebecca Hulse
It’s time to finally have the big love you crave and learn to seek it from the one source who will always deliver: yourself. In this 2 part post you’ll learn: Why unconditional self-love seems so elusive and challenging; how to launch your true path toward radical self-love with a simple but profound exercise; and what impact your shift toward radical self-love can have on your life, your loved ones, and the world.
Why Self-Love Fails Us
We all know we’re supposed to love ourselves. Right? And it’s
through loving ourselves that we learn how to love others unconditionally. Right? So we work on replacing self-criticisms with self-praise, and learn to accept gratefully those chunky cellulite-ridden thighs – only to discover it’s not working.
It sure wasn’t for me.
Even if you’ve done a lot of spiritual and personal work, does this version of unconditional love actually sustain you? Or do you still find yourself craving recognition from your partner, boss, the world-at-large?
Are you able to – at the very moment your partner/kid/co-worker does that thing that you really, really hate – love them unconditionally like you think you’re supposed to?
In a society where everything is right there on amazon.com, where is this big love we seek?
We won’t ever find it by focusing on what we need to change about ourselves: the negative thoughts to overcome, the imperfections we must learn to love. Working on self (even to create positive change) is NOT the same as loving the self.
And this is why self-love fails, maybe we are doing it all wrong.
Shifting to Radical Self-Love
I’d like to propose a new strategy: Radical Self-Love. This, I define as “the expression of total abundant giving to yourself, generously.”
Radical self-love means filling up your own love tank so that you don’t feel deprived and miserable, but instead have more to give and share. It means creating your own reality and realizing what does and doesn’t light you up. It’s about identifying your needs and seeing that they’re met on a physical, emotional, mental and spiritual level.
Start Your Personalized Radical Love Journey: An Exercise
Choosing to find Radical self love is both brave and terrifying, but it’s also the most sustainably rewarding. Imagine never feeling insecure about how much people care for you because you care enough about you for it not to matter anymore.
The world needs your love and it also needs your example!
You can start your journey by answering this simple, profound question:
What do I expect my lover should do for me?
When I wrote my list some of the things were:
- open doors for me
- give me flowers and presents
- come up with date ideas
- massage me
- caress my hair
- love my ideas
- be proud of me
- show me off to your friends
- ask me what I would like
- anticipate my needs
Your list may have big things such as be ready for children, have stimulating conversations. Or it may have small stuff like put the toilet seat down. Whatever your expectations are, write them down in a safe place without self-judgment.
If you currently have a partner, do not share this list with him or her. We are not using this list to help you get something from him or her.
In Part 2, we are going to put a radical twist on this list that will move you toward creating a new paradigm of self-love. (Watch for part 2 next Sat.)
Share your list in the comments below!
Think About This:
[tweet_dis]The only person responsible for where you put your attention is YOU![/tweet_dis] The reason a lot of therapies and talk sessions don’t work is because most people are busy talking about what’s been done TO them. What really sets you free is your willingness to look YOURSELF in the mirror and be honest about what you see.
Radical Big Hugs,
***
Meet Rebecca Hulse
Rebecca Hulse is a Dream Life Coach, Professional Dancer, Laughter Yoga Facilitator & Enthusiast for all things expressive and expansive. She helps dreamers create their own realities & empowers women to care about themselves at rebeccahulse.com.
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