Tera Warner

Stop Being a “Good Listener” & Try This Instead

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 communication skillsStop Being a “Good Listener” & Try This Instead

~ by Tera Warner

Out there in the world of “being a good communicator” there’s an idea that says you should be a good listener to make that happen. To a certain point, I  agree. But in some cases, I think listening can get you into a whole lot of trouble. Let me explain…

Talk Is Easy. Actions Tell the Real Story.

Last week, I addressed the idea of apologies, and how apologies without actions and changes in behavior really don’t create the same kind of effect as a sincere expression of regret or remorse with actions done to improve a situation.

In a situation like this, it’s clear the words don’t matter as much as the actions. This can be true in a lot of areas of life. In work. In your relationships with your kids. Sometimes you have to know when not to “listen” but when to look and see for yourself if what is being communicated is really true.

Sebastian And His Bedroom

Seb loves to tell me that he’s cleaned his room, and when I’m busy or distracted, he can actually get away with my believing him.

Fortunately, I’ve seen the kinds of things he dumps and hides in his toy drawers in the name of “cleaning up.” This is one case in particular where his words don’t count with me.

I can ask Sebastian if he’s cleaned his room, but when he says “yup,” I’m going to follow up with an, “Alright! Bedroom inspection in 3 minutes and I’m looking in your toy drawers!!”

Now he knows his words and his actions better be aligned. I know better than to just “listen” to what he tells me, I’m going to look for myself and see if it’s true.

Not all people mean what they say. [tweet_dis]While I like to assume that people are generally honest, sometimes their actions and stated intentions just don’t align.[/tweet_dis] That’s when you need to LOOK, not just “listen” and see what you can really observe. When choosing your friends, partners or trying to make sense of some of the challenges in your relationships, you’ve got to be able to look, not just listen, in order to honestly observe what’s going on in your relationships and thrive.

Try it With the Evening News?

The headlines are thick with drama, misery and bad news. This can create a pretty intense amount of fear, worry and anxiety for people. When you feel anxious or worried, you don’t do as well in life.

Well, stop listening to the headlines and LOOK out your window.

How does life actually look to YOU, compared to how it is described in the headlines? Is it threatening? When you look out your window or around your home right now, is it a menace, a source of hostility?

Life will throw you enough curve balls and wild cards, you don’t need to read over-dramatic headlines to get your dose of drama. The more you’re able to stay present to what actually is, the more you’re able to LOOK, not just listen to what people tell you, the more empowered and confident and positive you become.

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