[New Year, New You] Day 4: Why I Choose Crocodiles Not Puffy Cushions
This is Day 4 of our 21-Day New Year, New You Challenge, and we’ve been covering quite a few hot topics like how to tackle big goals in little steps, and how to get out of the cycle of self-sabotage by seeing the facts. Today I want to take on a subject that sometimes gets a little esoteric–or too “mystical” and “spiritual” to understand and put into practice, but is actually really easy and really powerful!
When it comes to most people’s ideas of “being present” modern self-development practices has a tendency to make things a little… sophisticated. I don’t want you to have to spin your chakras three times clockwise, then strap a crystal to your third eye for you to figure things out. In fact, I think most people have a better chance of finding “enlightenment” while they are stuck in a mosquito-infested jungle, in a broken canoe surrounded by crocodiles!!
Is Too Much Thinking Stopping You From Living?
You don’t need to escape life or spend hours on embroidered meditation cushions, in a silent cave on the top of a mountain, wearing a curtain to figure things out. In fact, for many of us, meditation can make that monkey mind even wilder! One of the best ways to improve your life and your ability to handle and solve problems is to just to throw yourself in with the crocodiles with as much courage and guts and grit as you can!
The distractions and obligations of life keep us moving like dutiful little rats in a maze looking for our “treat.” We think rewards come in material attainment of more money, a healthier body, younger-looking skin, but the truth is that pleasure comes from how interested and engaged you are in life–how much you can perceive and appreciate around you.
Ten different people looking at a sunset are going to have ten completely different experiences. Some will be bored out of their skull, another will be too anxious to appreciate it, another too sad her dog died to take it in. Each person is a completely unique viewpoint on life, but the degree to which that viewpoint experiences pleasure has a lot to do with a very easy to control and powerful part of you…
…your attention and your level of interest.
Marketing has done a great job keeping your attention on things you need to own, buy, collect or fix and improve about yourself. There are plenty of reminders about how your skin should glow, how wide your backside should grow, and how cool your car, clothes and kids need to be.
But there’s not a lot of attention or discussion going on about the fact that your sense of pleasure in life is directly proportional to your degree of interest in life, and if you’re not feeling like a million bucks, then what the heck are you supposed to do to change things?
No amount of cups, cars, candies, kids or kitty cats will make you a happier, more fulfilled person. The only time they would pick you up a little in life is while you are reaching toward them as your goals, and working to get obtain them. But cups spill, cars break, candies give you cellulite and kids and kitties poop, cry and sometimes die when you’re not ready for it. All those things you love and that hold pleasure have just as much an opportunity to cause you pain.
So the sooner you figure out where REAL pleasure comes from, the better.
Pleasure Isn’t Something to Chase, It’s Right In Front of Your Face
It’s so easy to be focused in life on everything but being in the moment. We’re concerned about where we’re trying to go, or we’re discouraged about where we’ve been, where we haven’t yet managed to arrive or what we haven’t yet managed to achieve for ourselves.
For a long time I believed I’d find pleasure in a loving partnership. I failed and fell on my face in marriage, but picked myself up and tried again. There was a time where, while dating, I would watch myself and my little inner hamster wheel of doubt and insecurity go through these old cerebral circuits like a habit that was hard to kick. On the first date I’d play a million scenarios over in my head:
“What about…”
“What if I…”
“Do you think he…”
“But would I ever…”
“What about the fact that he…”
Blah, blah, blah, BLAH!! I’d have to stop myself and say, “Down, Girl! Just be here. RIGHT NOW. Just be right NOW.”
The second you start playing a dozen potential future scenarios of failure in your head, based on your observations of a bunch of failed experiences from the past, the pleasure of that moment comes to a screeching halt.
You stop being there and start being everywhere else but in that moment.
But this is as true for dieting, as dating, as dancing or doing anything else you’ve got your heart set on. There’s so much to see and experience in the present moment, and when you’re stuck in the pain of the past, or anticipating struggle in the future, you’re missing out on life’s biggest and best gift–the joy of being present to what’s right smack in front of your face.
The pleasure of discovering the sensations and perceptions contained in each moment come alive when you can be fully present in thst present moment.
It’s fair you have pain from the past, but don’t let that determine your future. If you knew just how much your anxieties and expectations were scrambling your signals–causing you to misinterpret information, or make bad judgement calls, you would work even harder at just being present to enjoy and experience what’s right in front of you.
Set Your Goals, Then Relax a Little and Trust the Process
When it comes to dealing with the difficult situations that present themselves in our lives there are two ideas I want to leave you with:
1. What you resist, persists.
I’ve said this a thousand times, but I’m saying it again and hoping it anchors itself in your being somewhere. When you fight against what is, you make it stronger. The more you think about how you’ve really got to stop eating potato chips, the faster you’ll find yourself facing the bottom of an empty bag of Doritos. We’ve talked about putting attention on the things you want to validate. But here’s another idea I’d like to anchor in the recesses of your mind and being. They’re not completely different, maybe just another way of looking at it:
2. You can’t change what you aren’t willing to face.
Whatever is going on in your life (your relationships, your personal situation) if you are resisting it , fighting against it, avoiding it or hiding it, denying it, changing it in all manner of creative ways, then you are not just facing it and trying to see it for what it IS.
When you do that, you gain an element of control you didn’t have before. I am a lover of all world religions, and Buddhism in particular. But as a mother and “bonus” mom of three teenagers, one child with autism, and having been a single, self-employed, homeschooling mother for many years, as cool as Buddha was, when he went to figure things out, he ditched the high profile career (he was a prince) , ditched the family, all his possessions, stopped making an income and sat under a treat.
Maaaaaaaan, I don’t pretend to know everything, but it seems to me it would pretty easy to figure things out and feel “enlightened” when you ditched 95% of your worldly responsibilities! With no kids screaming at you, no bills to pay, no laundry to do or meals to make, I’d probably feel pretty Zen, too.
For a little while. The truth is, I love the game of life with all its wild and crazy obstacles and I would much rather be here in the full adventure existence than contemplating it.
If you were stuck in crocodile-infested waters in a broken canoe, the chance is pretty high that you would have ALL of your attention there, present in that moment. Your level of courage, if you wanted to survive the situation, would have to be pretty high. That attitude–a level of necessity that demands you be fully present, along with a high degree of courage in facing your obstacles, THAT might be the most valuable thing you could ever give yourself in life.
But nobody’s going to sell it to you. 😉
It’s an inside job that comes through sweat, persistence, dedication and study–like this 21-Day New Year’s Challenge.
When you can observe what is for what it is you hold the power to change it.
The point for us in the context of setting our goals for the year, is that if there’s something you’re trying to change, influence, understand or improve, you have to SEE IT FOR WHAT IT IS, FIRST. Look it square in the eyes and do your best to understand it. That can be piles of papers for your taxes, or stacks of books for a course you want to take. It can be your husband, your children, your lover or your mother-in-law. When you can just be there comfortably and observe what’s there, then watch what happens to the way you perceive it, how you feel toward it and how you then communicate and handle it. And let me know how it goes!
It’s such a simple solution, and nobody can charge you money for it Most people will dismiss it as “too simple” to be effective, but try spending a little time just being present to life and watch what happens. When you’re with your kids, just BE THERE. Don’t worry about if their room is clean, or what you have to make for supper. You’re robbing yourself of so much pleasure that can only be felt in the messiness of each moment.
Try taking yourself out for a walk, but instead of staring at the clock or the sidewalk, try looking at the trees, noticing the flowers in your neighbour’s garden, or the exact colour of the sky. There’s so, so, so much pleasurable sensation and experience for you in the moment, don’t be so busy worrying and thinking about life that you neglect to live it!
Hope you’re having a spectacular Sunday.
Super love,
Tera
p.s. You can access the podcast that accompanies this blog article here.
